Ketchup is God's man juice
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
