Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
