She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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