So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
