I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
