I seem to have left my pride at pride
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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