One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My pussy is not your playground.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
