so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
