I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So many bounce houses so little time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
