Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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