remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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