If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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