I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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