Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
