Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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