You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
