Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
