South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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