lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
