Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
