I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
