So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
