I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
