Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
