so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Drunk is not a location!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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