What a fucking waste of an outfit
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
In America we eat man semen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
