I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
