What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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