So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
