im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
