my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
