I smell stomach acid.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
