why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
