Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
