you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
