positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
