What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
