i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
