what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
