I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
