The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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