Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
