wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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