this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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