I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
