explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
