just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
