I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
