I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
