what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
