did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
