Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
