he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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